


Pride & Prejudice (& Pikk)

by fandomlimb



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pride and Prejudice Fusion, Chris/Kitty, Eskild/Mrs Bennet, Eva/Charlotte Lucas, Even/Charles Bingley, Isak/Jane, Linn/Mary, Multi, Niko/Wickham, Noora/Lizzie, Sana/Mr Bennet, Vilde/Lydia, William/Darcy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-11-29 19:06:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11447166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomlimb/pseuds/fandomlimb
Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a fuckboy in possession of a large trust fund must be able to pull anyone he chooses.He did not know it yet, but the arrival of the mysterious Even Bech Næsheim and his family to the sparkling new condo across the street from the Longbourn Kollektivet had already turned this handsomely endowed new neighbor into the day’s most heatedly discussed topic among the group of roommates, to the point that dibs on him were already being called.--or--The gay Pride and Prejudice AU nobody asked for (except me in my fever dreams).*Plot will include various elements from S1-3 of Skam. Fair warning to Noorhelm shippers...William and Noora's possible relationship will be explored but when I say this is a gay AU this applies to Noora too!*





	1. Chapter 1

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a fuckboy in possession of a large trust fund must be able to pull anyone he chooses.

He did not know it yet, but the arrival of the mysterious Even Bech Næsheim and his family to the sparkling new condo across the street from the Longbourn Kollektivet had already turned this handsomely endowed new neighbor into the day’s most heatedly discussed topic among the group of roommates, to the point that dibs on him were already being called.

"Check this out,” Eskild said, scrolling feverishly through his phone. “It’s blowing up on Jodel. Apparently the tall hot one we saw this morning helping unload the moving truck is named Even. The blonde is his sister Caroline. Oh! And the other guy, the broody looking one with the sexy car, he’s not related to them, he’s Even’s best friend William. Also hella loaded if that wasn’t already obvious. He usually lives with his dad in London.”

Sana, the only one of the roommates whose interest was not at all piqued by the arrival of the new neighbors, glanced up from her Bio homework and said, “First off, his car was obnoxious, not sexy. And second, this is all getting way creepy. How do people on Jodel even know or care who they are? What are people going to post next, their social security numbers and bank statements?”

Eskild scoffed. “Excuse me for thinking that one of the richest families in Oslo moving in next door is a teensy bit of a big deal! Hello, they bought the whole building? And people are saying both guys are def single. What do you think? Should we bring them a tray of cookies? Or a big box of condoms? ‘ _Welcome wagon! Toot toot!_ ’ Want to show them that famous Longbourn Kollektivet hospitality?” Eskild asked the group with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

“Eskild, chill. We’re not bringing them condoms. Or cookies,” Sana retorted. “I still don’t see how this has anything to do with us.”

“I agree with Sana,” Noora said, barely lifting her eyes from the novel she was engrossed in. “A couple of rich fuckboys show up on our block and suddenly everyone is freaking out. Who cares? They’re probably snobs and tools anyway.”

“Well more for me then. I’m gonna go ahead and call dibs on both of them,” Eskild quipped.

“You don’t even know if they’re gay! How can you possibly call dibs?” Noora asked with equal parts amusement and exasperation.

“Yeah, Eskild, you kind of think everyone is gay,” Isak chimed in. He—along with Vilde and Chris—was stationed by the window together so they could best give updates on every piece of exorbitantly expensive furniture and museum-quality décor being carefully removed from the fleet of trucks and report any new sightings of the mystery men.

“Well maybe my gaydar is so strong I can feel it transmitting through these very bricks, sight unseen. I wasn't wrong about you the night we first met, now was I?” Eskild teased Isak.

Isak blushed a little. “I've told you a million times, I didn't know that was a gay bar. But yes, yes, you called that before _I_ even knew what the hell was going on. I will be forever grateful for your gaydar guru talent. But these two new guys? Not so sure.”

“Well how are we supposed to know if we don’t actually talk to them?” Chris mused. “I say we just go over there, bring some beers, ring the doorbell and say ‘ _Yo dudes, what’s up’_?”

Vilde clucked her tongue. “Chris, these are the most handsome, coolest and richest guys any of us have ever laid eyes on! We need to make a good impression so they’ll fall in love with one of us! We can’t just show up with beer like a pack of heathens. I bet they’re used to Cristal, top shelf, and luxury! We need to be on their level of posh.”

“But we’re _not_ on their level,” Chris said. “There’s seven of us crammed into one tiny collective apartment and they just bought a building that’s almost an entire city block.”

“But they don’t know that yet,” Vilde countered. “It’s like they say—‘ _Shoot for the stars and you’ll land on the dark side of the moon’_. Wait, that’s not right. More like, ‘ _Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have’_. We need to make them think we’re like the Kardashians. That way they’ll want to date one of us.”

“This conversation is turning my brain to mush,” Noora said and set her book down. “Do you know how terrible that is? Lying straight off the bat so a boy will think you’re rich enough to sleep with?”

“Not just sleep with, Noora Fadora," Eskild said. "We’re talking about falling in love."

“That’s even worse! Lying is the exact opposite foundation you’ll need for lasting love.”

Vilde scrunched her nose. “Well now I’m confused. Because in The Game it said—and I quote—‘ _It’s not lying, it’s flirting’_.”

“I told you that book was hooey. I should do you a favor and burn it.”

“Hey everyone, they’re coming outside again,” Isak said.

Eskild rushed over to the window, while Noora and Sana stayed firmly put, though they were still in earshot of his running commentary. “Is that Even one a tall drink of water or what? Those legs! It’s like the whole world is his cat walk. Talk about model quality. How the hell are those giraffe legs going to fit in that tiny Porsche? It’s like a clown car, my God. And William, I'm not sure, I know he's far away but I'm sensing a sort of dark energy from him. Very Heathcliff meets Edward Cullen. You know, we should really wake Linn up for this. She’s missing all the fun,” he said and then proceeded to leave the living room to knock loudly on Linn’s door. “Linn! Emergency collective meeting! Hot boys alert! Linn! It’s after noon already, wakey wakey. Time to embrace the light of day!”

“Eskild, leave her be, honestly,” Noora said. “You all are acting like today is just as exciting as the royal wedding. And we’re probably never going to even talk to these guys so the point is totally moot.”

“Well, actually…” Sana said. “I may or may not have already talked to them.”

“You what??” Eskild and Vilde shrieked in unison.

“What did you say to them?” Eskild said over top of Vilde’s high-decibel plea of, “Tell us everything!”

Sana sushed them and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Really, it was no big deal. I was on my way out for my jog and I recognized Even because I think my brother went to grade school with him. So I said hi.”

The room was silent while everyone waited for Sana to elaborate. When it became clear that was all she had to say, Eskild scoffed in disbelief. “That was it? _Hi_??? Who taught you your conversational skills, a Neanderthal caveman? Did he say anything back?”

“Hmmm let me think. I’m pretty sure he also said…hi,” Sana retorted with her usual mixture sarcastic humor and caprice that oftentimes went straight over Eskild and Vilde’s heads.

Vilde pouted, eyebrows knitted together, and returned her attention to the window while Eskild huffed and flung himself down dramatically down on the couch next to Noora. She patted his leg in a _there there_ gesture.

Sana returned studiously to her homework and after a few minutes of silence said offhandedly, “And…also…he might have mentioned he'll probably be throwing a party soon. We’re all invited.”

Eskild and Vilde looked at each other and screamed, then grabbed each other’s hands and started hopping up and down, overbrimming with excitement.

Noora looked around at her roommates and couldn’t help the smile that spread over her face, despite her earlier annoyance and misgivings about their obsession with the new neighbors. There were Vilde and Eskild, twirling and laughing. There was Sana, smirking and clearly pleased with herself at her ruse and also happy to see her friends so happy. There was Isak, still at the window, looking down at the street below with an expression both hopeful and cautious. There was Chris, clapping and encouraging everyone’s good cheer. Noora thought fondly of Linn as well, though she was still holed up in her room; Noora would be sure to check up on her in a few minutes and bring her some tea.

They were all of them more than roommates; they were the closest thing to family Noora had, and she loved each one of them with her whole heart. Smiling, she returned to the book on her lap and let all thoughts of the new neighbors blissfully slip from her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

The members of the collective soon discovered they would have an occasion to meet their new neighbors earlier than the promised party.

The next morning the Nissen School courtyard was abuzz with gossip after a dark gray Ferrari pulled up and William, Even, and Caroline emerged, the very air around them perfumed with an aura of privilege and wealth that was nearly impossible to ignore. Even smiled in an open and friendly way to everyone he passed by, but his sister and William strutted through the courtyard with such a studied untouchable coolness that they looked like they’d stepped out of a slow-motion sequence of a music video. Heads turned. Jaws dropped. Surreptitious cell phone photos may have been snapped. The news quickly spread that all three of them were transferring to Nissen for the remainder of their third year.

Later that night at home, Vilde screamed, “Oh my god!” so loudly that Noora and Sana were afraid she had hurt herself. They rushed to her room only to find her glued to her facebook feed. She showed them her phone: _Caroline Næsheim has marked ‘attending’ to the Nissen Revue’s Annual Holiday Party (co-hosted by Kosegruppa)._

She screamed again and flapped her hands excitedly like baby bird wings. “This is huge for us! If Caroline is coming that means for sure her brother will come, too. And William! I need to call an emergency Kosegruppa meeting. The party is on Friday, that’s only four days away! I need to totally rethink all my décor choices! Ack! Do you think we have the budget for an ice sculpture?”

Sana tried to reason with her. “Vilde, you’ve been planning this party for months, you’ve already made all the decorations, you’ve obsessed over every last piece of tinsel. You’re not changing everything just because these people _might_ show up. And if we barely have the budget for a Christmas tree there’s no way we can get an ice sculpture of all things.”

Eskild popped his head in. “What’s this I just heard about an ice sculpture?”

“Caroline Næsheim said on facebook she’s coming to the revue party on Friday!”

“Darn it now I really want to go, too! Can I come even though I already graduated? Or is that too failure-to-launch? Yay or nay?”

“Yes! You have to come! I need your design input!”

“So they’re all going to Nissen, then? Third years? Are Caroline and Even twins?” Eskild asked.

“Well, if they are twins they must be fraternal,” Vilde said.

Sana mock gasped, “You mean they’re not identical twins?”

“Sana, hello, one’s a boy and one’s a girl. Anyway! I heard from a girl I went to grade school with who knows the brother of Even’s ex-girlfriend in London that he had to repeat a year. So I don’t think they’re twins, he’s a year older. He already should have graduated.”

“Where did they go to school before?” Noora asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“Well, they grew up in Oslo. You said yourself that your brother knew him, Sana. Then at some point they moved to London semi-permanently. They switch back and forth between Oslo and London. It’s all very chic and continental.”

“I lived in Madrid all those years and you've never referred to me as ‘chic and continental’? I wonder why that could be?” Noora deadpanned.

“Is that a hint of jealousy I hear?” Eskild teased. “And don’t worry, you’re chic in your own way, Noora The Explorer.”

“Exactly,” Vilde said. “You’re super chic. Not everyone can pull off your bright red lipstick and not look totally slutty.”

Noora exhaled. “Vilde, we’ve talked about this.”

“Yes, yes, I know, I forgot. ‘Feminists shouldn’t refer to other feminists as sluts’. Got it. Sorry!”

Noora shook her head good-naturedly and took that as her cue to leave Vilde’s room and make herself dinner.

* * *

Friday afternoon was spent in the dance hall decorating and preparing for the party. All the collective members lent a hand to help Vilde’s vision of a ‘Narnia Winter Wonderland Fairytale Meets Studio 54 Discotheque’ come to life in all its shimmery, shiny snowflake-covered glory. Noora had cut out so many paper snowflakes over the last few weeks she never wanted to touch a pair of scissors ever again.

Noora and Isak were assigned to the second shift of greeting and check-in desk duty so they happened to be the first ones to exchange actual words with the infamous newcomers once they arrived (fashionably late, of course).

Even approached the check-in table, trailed by William and Caroline. He greeted Noora and Isak warmly and introduced himself. He was all sparkly-eyed smiles and unaffected, easy charm. The light was dim, but Noora could perceive a slight increase in the redness of Isak’s cheeks as he did a perfunctory scan of the electronic guest list roster for their names, while under Even’s unwaveringly attentive gaze. (Noora knew checking the list was all for show. As if everyone didn’t already know the names of these three! Maddeningly, barely an hour had passed all week when they weren’t the main topic of conversation and wild speculation).

“Ok,” Isak said with a little cough. “Two Naesheims and one Magnusson. You’re all set. Here are three drink tickets and you’ll get a goodie bag on the way out,” Isak said.

Even smiled and said, “Wow, thanks so much! What a festive party. All the decorations look really…well…”

“Like a toddler’s _Frozen_ -themed birthday party on a bad acid trip?” Isak said and Even awarded his joke with a huge belly laugh.

“Well, I was going to say they look charming and whimsical. But a _Frozen_ acid trip works, too.”

Isak returned Even’s smile then looked quickly back down at the table. He was definitely blushing. There was a short moment of silence and Noora decided to keep the conversation rolling and help her friend out.

“So how was your first week at school? Are you settling in alright?” she asked Even.

“Oh! Really great, thanks for asking! Everyone is so nice. Lots of friendly faces.”

“And you?” she asked William.

He perhaps had not heard her over the dance music. His attention was fixed on the room around him. He was surveying the decorations with what Noora could only assume was a disgusted grimace.

Even nudged him. “She just asked how your first week at school was, Will.”

William turned his head slowly back to the table and he stared at her blankly through heavy-lidded eyes, as if merely deigning to acknowledge her question cost him much effort.

William shrugged. “It seems like a perfectly adequate school.” Caroline leaned in to whisper something in his ear and they both smiled.

Noora felt her cheeks flush in annoyance and she returned her attention to Even. “I’m not sure if you know this, but I think we’re neighbors, actually. Isak and I and several of our friends live in the Longbourn Kollektivet. Sana is one of our roommates?”

“Wow, that’s incredible! I ran into her the day we were moving in. Did she tell you we’re planning to throw a New Year’s party?”

“She mentioned it, yes.”

“Fantastic! You and all your roommates are invited, of course. I’d love to use it as an opportunity to really get to know all our neighbors. London can be so cold and isolating. I’m hoping the community here will be a breath of fresh air.”

“It will be a breath of something, but the word _fresh_ doesn’t immediately come to mind,” Caroline muttered under her breath to William, but loudly enough for Noora to hear her.

“Oh we’re very friendly. And very fresh,” Noora said and smiled graciously at Caroline and William.

Even either was so nice that he did not perceive the underlying tension or he willfully ignored it. “So…are you two stuck behind this table all night? Or will you get a chance to enjoy yourselves?”

Isak said, “We’re here for another twenty minutes or so and then some of our friends are taking over.”

“Great! So we’ll see you in there?”

“Definitely.”

Caroline coughed and tugged at her brother’s elbow. “Give me your drink ticket, Even. These are for non-alcoholic drinks? Jesus. Come on, Will, let’s pray there’s an actual bar.”

She and William headed into the party. Even began to follow them then and then turned back around to Noora and Isak. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he thought better of it and gave them a nod and smile before heading into the party.


	3. Chapter 3

Isak tried to ignore his clamoring heartbeat as he watched Even walk away from the check-in table and enter the party.

 _Well, that’s over with_ , he thought. _We met them. He’s hot. End of story._

But his eyes had another plan altogether. They kept seeking Even out as he made his way around the room and greeted everyone he met with a wide, genuine smile. Even was clearly comfortable talking with anyone and his laughter and good humor was infectious; partygoers of all genders flirted and fluttered around him like moths attracted to a flame.

Whereas William was dressed in dark jeans, a white tshirt and a sleek black Prada overcoat (a look no doubt constructed to give the appearance of simplicity but broadcasting nonetheless that each item of clothing cost much more than what Isak paid each month for rent), Even looked approachable and modest in a layered hoodie, jean jacket and khakis. His dirty blond hair was styled in a nearly perfect homage to James Dean, save for one rebellious strand in front that had a tendency to break free and sweep down over his forehead. Isak noticed right away that Even had a habit of constantly running his long fingers through his hair to push the strand away, almost like a nervous tic. It was the only perceivable dent in his armor.

The remarkable thing was, and maybe it was just a trick of the party lights, but Even’s eyes seemed to be finding their way to Isak’s with almost equal frequency as Isak sought out his. Isak wasn’t good at this game. But not looking at Even was proving as difficult as Orpheus being told not to turn around to look at Eurydice as they made their way out of the underworld together. Every time their eyes met from across the room, Isak was overcome with a crushing mix of hope, fear, excitement, pleasure and self-consciousness that made his cheeks burn and his heart race off like a sprinter after the starter’s pistol. He felt as if he were being filmed or photographed but instructed to ignore the camera and "act natural"; he had a sudden respect for professional models and people who volunteer to be on reality television. He was overly aware of what his face was doing at any given moment and he laughed at Noora's jokes a little louder than he normally would (but thankfully she didn't seem to notice). 

But maybe he was just imagining it. Maybe this was just how everyone felt around Even, like satellites orbiting a blindingly brilliant sun. Isak didn’t think of himself as particularly handsome or worthy of attention and his own inexperience with boys was frankly embarrassing. It had been a huge step for him even to admit to himself and then his closest friends that he liked boys; dating and falling in love was proving to be a whole other set of hurdles he was unprepared for. After a few disastrous Grindr attempts, he’d quickly realized that he did not have the desire nor constitution for meaningless hook-ups. He fell in love too easily and his heart was apparently unable or unwilling to develop the resilient self-protective scar tissue needed to kiss and date and sleep with boys with impunity. He wasn’t sure if it ever would or if he even wanted it to.

* * *

Sana and Chris finally showed up to relieve Noora and Isak of check-in table duty, so they entered the party together, seeking out their shared group of friends.

Noora’s heart swelled when she saw the person who always managed to bring a smile to her face, the first person she thought to message whenever she came across something funny or clever she couldn’t wait to share, the person who was often the first and last one she texted every day: her dearest friend Eva.

She draped her arm around Eva’s shoulder familiarly and said, “H.” This was their special private greeting to each other.

“H,” Eva said back, her whole face lighting up with her adorable smile. “I thought you’d be stuck at that table all night. Want me to get you something to drink?”

Before Noora could reply, Vilde accosted her. “They’re here! We saw them talking to you when they checked in. I’ve been trying to get up the courage to introduce myself to Caroline but I keep chickening out. Doesn’t she look just like Karlie Kloss? I would absolutely die for a Hermes bag like hers. What did they say to you when they got here? What are they like?"

“Well, Even seems very nice. The other two…not so sure. But I’m trying to reserve judgment. ‘Innocent until proven guilty’ and all that. Or in their case, ‘Personality-less but not malicious until proven unbearably snooty’.”

“Even's been talking to everyone but the two of them have been in that corner together since they got here. Maybe they’re just shy? What did you think, Isak?”

“Oh. Dunno. They all seemed nice enough to me.”

“Well you two are no help at all. Isn’t William the most handsome and coolest guy you’ve ever seen? And I’m dying to ask Caroline if she’ll want to join Kosegruppa and be part of the event planning team. What do you think? Do you think she’ll want to join?”

Eskild cut in, “Vilde, enough is enough. We’re not psychics, how should we know if she’ll want to join your group unless you actually ask her? Let’s just go talk to them.” He grabbed her hand and headed toward the corner of the room where Caroline and William were huddled together. Unlike Even, they had not taken it upon themselves to approach or make conversation with anyone so far. Noora suspected this was not because they were prone to shyness but incurable superiority complexes.

Noora wanted to give Vilde a warning to not get her hopes up, but Eskild had already dragged her away. She turned her attention back to Eva, but couldn’t help keeping an eye on Vilde and Eskild as they attempted to make conversation with Snob 1 and Snob 2. It looked like Vilde and Eskild were doing all the talking. Caroline nodded and smiled at them, but the smile did not reach her eyes and Noora suspected it was full of barely contained condescension. William’s expression remained a blank, unreadable mask.

“Poor Vilde,” Noora said to Eva.

“Why?” Eva asked.

“It kills me how she’s always so obsessed with social status and popularity. I can tell already that Ice Queen over there is not going to be chomping at the bit to bake cookies for Kosegruppa but Vilde’s too naïve to see it. I just don’t want her feelings to get hurt again like the whole Pepsi Max thing from last year.”

“Eskild will look out for her, don’t worry. And she’s grown a lot since then. Anyway…are you in the mood to dance? This is supposed to be a fairyland disco dance party, right? We need to shake that frown off your face with a little old-fashioned boogie.”

Eva did a goofy _Saturday Night Fever_ inspired disco dance move and used her pointy fingers to beckon Noora onto the dance floor. Noora smiled and happily obliged.

* * *

The concept of how to look good dancing was a bit of mystery to Isak. He didn’t quite know how to get his feet and hips involved and the best he could ever manage in public were little bunny hops and head nods. He felt self-conscious dancing in front of people so at parties like this he usually preferred drinking and chatting with his friends. Even wasn’t exactly a graceful dancer either, but he went for it with full-bodied enthusiasm. Isak watched him sidle up to near strangers on the dance floor, hips swinging like a pendulum, shoulders rolling, arms flailing, gesticulating wildly and singing along to all the lyrics. The dewey sheen of sweat on his forehead and pink flush of his cheeks made him all the more handsome. Isak had to position his back to the dance floor to chat with his friends just so he wouldn’t get caught staring like a total creep. He hadn’t had the courage to talk to him since the check-in table and he certainly wasn’t about to join him on the dance floor.

He excused himself from his circle of friends and headed to the restroom.

When he emerged from the stall, he saw that Even was standing in front of the sink, fixing his disheveled hair and dabbing the sweat off his forehead with a paper towel. Isak froze. They looked at each other in the mirror and smiled awkwardly. Isak grasped for something— _anything_ —to say but his mind had become maddeningly blank now that he was actually in the proximity of the boy he hadn’t been able to stop staring at all night. Isak washed his hands and flicked them since Even was blocking the towel dispenser. Even pulled another paper towel out of the dispenser. Then another. And another. And another. Until he’d emptied the whole thing. Isak looked at him, dumbfounded. Even patted his face with the obscenely thick stack of paper towels, dumped them in the trash, then looked at Isak and asked, “Oh, did you also need one?”

It was then that Even’s face broke into a big grin and Isak realized he’d been played.

“It was Isak, right? Sorry about that, I couldn’t resist. Your face! Priceless. Here, use this one, it’s clean,” he said and grabbed an unused paper towel from the trashcan. “It’s so hot out there. Come outside with me so I can cool off?” he asked and removed a joint from his jean jacket pocket.

Isak smiled and happily obliged.

* * *

Isak grabbed his jacket and scarf from the check-in table and they stepped out into the brisk night air. They found a nearby bench and sat down, passing the joint a few times back and forth.

“So, you live with the peppy party organizer lady? The one obsessed with _Frozen_?” Even asked.

“Vilde,” Isak said with a giggle that conveyed both his appreciation of Vilde's enthusiasm and his recognition that she could be a lot to handle.

“She asked if I wanted to join Kosegruppa? I didn’t quite know what that meant but by the end of our conversation I think I volunteered myself to make 12 dozen scones for revue tech week. And I don’t even like scones.”

“What’s not to like about scones?”

“Living in London will get you a bit immune to them. And don’t get me started on tea sandwiches.”

“What’s London like? I’ve never been. Is it that different from here?”

“The energy of London is different for sure. It’s much bigger and more crowded and noisier and fast paced. All the noise can drown out your thoughts. The flip side is that it’s much harder to find quiet places to just enjoy being around nature like there is here. It’s easier to breathe here I think. But the schools are pretty much the same. No kosegruppas in London…though we did have an active GSA that would hold bake sales pretty often to raise money for at-risk youth organizations.”

“GSA?”

“Gay-Straight Alliance.”

“Right. Yeah, of course. Sorry. We have a club like that here but it’s called SPECTRUM, I think. I’ve never been.”

“Cool. And there are also these private gentlemen’s clubs you have to pay to be a part of. Very posh and all that. But I didn’t realize until recently that they're really an excuse for rich guys to hang out and give each other blowjobs.”

Isak nearly choked on the smoke he was inhaling. “No?”

Even laughed. “No. But my father did make me join one of those clubs when I turned 18.”

“You’re a ’97? What class are you in?”

“3STB.”

“You transferred in your final year?”

Before Even could answer, Caroline and William approached their bench. Caroline had her coat on and was clearly ready to leave.

“There you are, we’ve been looking everywhere for you.” She gave a side-eyed glance to the joint Isak was holding, scrunched her nose and waved her hand in front of her face, clearly repulsed by the marijuana smoke. “I’m ready to go. So is William. Are you coming?”

“You’re both leaving already? It’s still early. Come on, stay awhile. The night is young.”

“I’ve got a headache. And our car will be here in three minutes."

"I can get my own car. I'd like to stay."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Stay if you must but I’m heading home."

“Fine, see you at home. Will, a word? Sorry Isak, please excuse us for just a moment.”

Even got up from the bench and moved down the block to have a private conversation with his friend out of Isak’s earshot.

* * *

Noora saw she had a missed call from her mother so she stepped outside to return the phone call. Her parents still lived in Mjøndalen and didn’t really understand the concept of texting so she always tried to call them back quickly just in case there had been an emergency.

She stepped away from the party and walked down the block to stand in the alcove of a nearby doorway for a little privacy. She called her mom, who only wanted to finalize purchasing plane tickets for the Easter holiday break.

Noora finished her call and was about to head back toward the party when William and Even walked by the alcove and stood a few feet away from her. She could hear their whole conversation.

"Really, Will?” Even said "You want to leave already? You skulked around by yourself all night, not dancing or talking to anyone and now you want to leave? You’d be much better off if you stayed and loosened up a bit.”

"I doubt that,” William said. “You know I hate dancing. And your sister was the only one here I know.”

"That’s because you didn’t bother to try and talk to anyone. Wasn’t there any girl you thought was cute? Did you meet any of Isak’s roommates? The one from the check-in table was good looking.”

“Who?”

“The blonde one.”

"I don’t even remember who you’re talking about.”

“With the red lipstick? She asked how our first week of school was?”

“Oh, her. Tolerable, I guess. Maybe a 6 or 7. She looked frigid, though.”

“Ok, fine, whatever. If she’s a 6 then the rest of us must be trolls by your standards. What about her other roommate, Vilde? The one who organized the party? She’s cute, too.”

“She’s clearly a desperate social climber. She chewed Caroline’s ear off about joining some idiotic party planning committee. Caroline had to fake a migraine to get away from her. And if she’s the one responsible for all those snowflake decorations she probably has the IQ and taste level of a Kindergartner.”

“Well, I give up. If you and my sister enjoy being miserable, the more power to you. I’m staying, though.”

“Fine, but just be careful.”

“Be careful about what?” There was an edge to Even’s voice that surprised Noora. And at this point she thought she was beyond surprise.

“You know what I mean.”

“No, please, spell it out for me.”

“Was that your joint back there? Or the kid’s?” 

“His name is Isak.”

“Just stay away from the bar. And stay away from him if he’s going to be smoking that shit around you. Ok?”

“Fine. Whatever.”

“Ok, get home safe.”

The boys walked away and Noora stayed in the alcove until her heartbeat had normalized and her blood was no longer boiling. William insulting her own looks she couldn’t care less about, but what he’d said about Vilde enraged her. After a few minutes of deep breathing she rolled her shoulders back, chin up, and headed back to the party. She was already thinking of the best way to tell Eva and her roommates what she’d heard He Who Must Not Be Named say (leaving out what he’s said about Vilde of course) and framing it in a humorous way that made it clear how little she cared about the opinion of the most arrogant, self-involved, conceited, spoiled, not-actually-that-handsome, asshat pikk she'd ever had the misfortune to meet. She thought maybe her friends would consider renaming the Longbourn Kollektivet the Frigid 6 Crew in her honor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii! Thanks everyone has read this so far! This lil idea has been brewing around in my head for awhile and I'm so happy to finally be writing it. Quick survey about chapter length. I tend to like shorter chapters/more frequent updates but can wait and post longer chapters if that is more people's pref. Lmk if you have an opinion! :) :)


	4. Chapter 4

Even returned to the bench where Isak was waiting for him. “I’m so sorry about that. Will’s my best friend but a royal pain in the ass. Where were we?”

“Oh, no worries. We were just talking about you transferring schools.” Isak tried to hand him back the joint but Even waved it away.

“You can keep the rest of that. Yes, right, schools...You like to dance?”

“Hm?”

“I think I can hear my favorite song playing inside. Join me?”

Isak strained his ears to try and make out the muffled sounds of the song Even was referring to. “Wait, is this Gabrielle?”

“Damn right it’s Gabrielle. The most under appreciated artist of her generation.”

“You’re fucking with me, right?”

“Not at all. Come on, we’re gonna miss it.”

Even headed toward the entrance and turned around to walk backwards for a few paces while smiling at Isak and mouthing along to the lyrics of ‘5 fine frokner’. Isak stood up, feigning reluctance with a showy eye roll, but he had to bite his lower lip to keep a huge grin from giving away how idiotically happy he felt and just how willing he was to follow Even anywhere he asked him to. 

They danced and talked and didn’t leave each other’s sides for the rest of the night. Even was nearly the last one to leave the party and even volunteered to help the kosegruppa members with clean-up crew. And when they were all ready to leave, Even called for a big SUV with enough space to fit all the roommates for a free ride home. 

They lingered awhile on the doorway to the collective after everyone else had gone upstairs, reluctant to say good-bye just yet. Even kissed Isak on the cheek and then walked backwards all the way to his own doorway, smiling at Isak the whole time.

* * *

Inside, once everyone had changed out of their restrictive party clothes and into comfy t-shirts and pjs, the group of friends made three big bowls of popcorn and cups of hot cocoa for their favorite post-party ritual: an in-depth recap in microscopic detail of everything that had just transpired. The hottest topics that night being of course Even and Isak and what Noora had overheard William say about her.

“I take back what I said earlier about William being hot and mysterious,” Eskild said. “Anyone who insults my Noorabear is gonna feel my full on Mama Bear wrath. Who does he think he is? Rolling around Oslo in his daddy’s flashy car looking as animated as a pile of bricks crossed with the grim reaper. Maybe he’s had his lips permanently sealed shut for cosmetic reasons? Or maybe he actually has some rare illness that makes it physically impossible for him to smile?

Noora laughed. “A rare genetic disorder only known to the extremely wealthy that takes away your ability to be an actual human being?”

“SARRS: Self-involved Asshole Richie Rich Syndrome. It’s an epidemic!”

“That’s not very nice, you two. I heard he has a tragic past,” Vilde said. “Something about a little sister that died when he was young.”

“Well, if that’s true, that’s terrible and I feel sorry for him,” Eskild conceded. “But it still doesn’t give him an excuse to walk around like he and his dick are God’s gift to this green earth, thinking he’s better than everyone, calling our beautiful Noora frigid. If we’re talking about frigid, I bet sleeping with him would be about as exciting as trying to get it on with a glacier that hasn’t moved since the Ice Age.”

Eskild was in rare form and Noora appreciated him coming to her defense, but she wanted to put the whole exchange behind her.

“He’s honestly not even worth discussing anymore. Let’s move on to much more pleasant topics…such as his best friend, the tall and handsome—and definitely interested in Isak—Mr. Even Bech Naesheim.”

Everyone’s heads turned to Isak, who immediately blushed.

“Look at him! He’s in love already!” Eskild teased. “Pretty please can I officiate your wedding?”

“Eskild, chill.” Isak said, though he was smiling. “It’s way too early to even know if I really like him, let alone anything about love. We just danced and talked, that’s all.”

“Just danced,  _pfft_. I spied you two with my very own eyes making heart eye emoji faces at each other all night. I would not be surprised if he pulls a John Cusak and comes to your window tonight holding a big speaker over his head. Homeboy is  _smitten_ , trust me.”

“You really think so?”

“If you two aren’t an item by New Year’s I volunteer for bathroom cleanup duty for the whole month of January.”

Then Linn, wrapped in a giant blanket, poked her head out of her doorway. “Can you guys keep it down, I’m trying to sleep.”

“Okay, sure, Linn, we’re just going to be quiet as church mice all night and not make a single peep,” Eskild teased. “You slept all day, anyway. Come out and have some popcorn. We’re talking about the party.”

“But I wasn’t there, why should I care?" 

“Because we are your friends, my God. Sit down already, I’ll go get you a Fun Light.”

Linn settled down on the couch, still wrapped in her blanket, and everyone filled her in on the evening’s events. While he was telling her about Even, Isak got a ding on his phone and saw that he had a new friend request on facebook.

“Hey guys, Caroline just friended me. Should I friend her back?” he asked.

Vilde squealed with excitement. “Of course friend her back! This must mean she wants to join Kosegruppa!” 

Sana said, “Ok that’s a crazy leap of logic even for you, Vilde. Probably more likely Even talked about him and now she wants to check him out and snoop around.”

“But why didn’t Even friend request him, then?” 

“Maybe he’s not on facebook,” Sana shrugged.

“Ok, I accepted her request. Should I write her anything?” Isak asked.

“No, just wait and see if she sends you something first,” Sana suggested.

“She’s writing something. I see the little bubbles.”

The group waited, all eyes on Isak’s phone.

“Ok, the bubbles stopped. Nothing. Wait, they’re back again. _‘Hi Isak. Sorry if we got off on the wrong foot tonight and I didn’t properly introduce myself. I had a terrible headache. Even just told me what a nice time he had with you. My brother’s happiness is very important to me.’_  That’s it. What should I write back? It’s marked seen so she knows I read it.”

“See I told you all you were wrong about her!” Vilde said excitedly. “She just had a bad night. I bet she’s actually a really nice person. Maybe she just has resting bitch face.”

Sana said, “As someone who knows a thing or two about people thinking you’re a bitch for no good reason, there’s a big difference between resting bitch face and  _actual_  bitch face.”

“You know I hate the word bitch, it’s misogynist, can we use another word, please?” Noora asked.

“Bitch,  _please_ ,” Eskild said and Noora laughed in spite of herself. “Bitch is one of those words that has been reclaimed. I can call you a bitch until the cows come home because I love you. But if someone else, like William aka Lord Crustymort ever tried that, you know there would be an epic throw down.”

“Lord Crustymort?”

“Yeah, it’s good, right? Just came up with it.”

“Hello, guys? I still need to write her back, you can come up with clever insults for William once I’m done,” Isak said.

Vilde bit her lip thoughtfully and said, “Write this… _Dear Caroline, it was a pleasure to meet you and I hope to get to know you better as well!_  —Make sure you include an exclamation mark there, Isak.— _Perhaps we can get better acquainted at one of the many social groups Nissen has to offer, such as Kosegruppa._ ”

Noora said, “Vilde, you need to let it go. She’s not going to join Kosegruppa."

Eskild added, "And he's accepting a friend request, not writing a cover letter application.”

“Why wouldn't she want to join?”

“Just trust me, Vilde, ok?” Noora said.

Sana suggested, “Just write… _No problem, I had a great time too and I’m glad we’re neighbors._ Keep it simple.”

“Is that sucking up too much?”

“Well, you want to make a good impression, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to look like I’m throwing myself at her brother after one night.”

“Why not?” Eskild asked. “You like him, he likes you, it’s not some big mystery. If people didn’t throw themselves at each other at every possible opportunity there would be no human race as we know it.”

“Wait, aren’t you always saying I should try to play more hard to get? Not give all my cards away and all that?”

“Yes, I know that’s what I’ve said because your little heart gets broken too easily. But let’s be honest, playing hard to get is just not in your nature. In this case I think it’s better to be honest.”

“Yeah, ok, you’re right. Sent.”

Vilde mused wistfully, “If you won the lottery and were as rich as them, what’s the first thing you’d do? I’d buy a big house in Oslo for me and Mom and another one in the country for holidays. And I’d take all of us to Italy or Greece to stay at a gorgeous villa every summer.”

Eskild said, “Two words for you: private jet. I’ve also always wondered what it would be like to live in a castle. I think I'd be well suited for the gentry.”

“I’d stock an entire luxury doomsday bunker with alcohol and male strippers just in case of a global shortage crisis,” Chris said and everyone laughed.

“But being serious though,” Noora said, “wouldn’t you rather start a charity to try to end world hunger or fight climate change or help the refugee crisis or promote global literacy?”

“Well, of course Miss Mother Theresa Jr.," Eskild said and patted Noora's head. "But we’re talking about the leftover fun money. After we've saved the world.”

Linn spoke up for the first time. “You know, there are all these studies about people who win the lottery and then their lives all go to hell after. They’re likely to become drug addicts, get divorced, commit suicide, and run through all their money and end up broke again. They end up wishing they never won in the first place.”

“Thanks, Linn.”


End file.
